Thirteen Years

Thirteen Years

    Thirteen years ago, I was so pregnant I could barely breathe. My toes had disappeared beneath my belly months before, and I couldn’t even bend over to put shoes on my own swollen feet. I was done. Those last few days before I could hold my baby in my arms moved like molasses. And then she was there, tiny and helpless, and everyone told me to soak in the moments. That I would blink and she would be grown. When the nights are long and sleepless and just living feels like a battle for sanity, time seems to pause. I wasn’t sure she would ever be anything but little. Today she sat down beside me, shoulder to shoulder, her legs stretching out beyond mine. My little girl, undeniably a woman-child. For a moment I could almost feel the rush of time, like wind in my...

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What I Need

What I Need

     I am needy. There. I said it. This is a label that has followed me most of my life. It has haunted the edges of every relationship I’ve known since someone first told me this in my early teen years. It’s the reason I have sometimes held back in my friendships, afraid of becoming too much to handle. And this week I got called on this fear. Three times. By three different heart sisters. Sometimes God has to work a little harder to get my attention. I’ve told my story in front of a lot of people over the years, stood behind a microphone sharing intimate and painful details of my life with complete strangers. But when it comes to being soul bare with people I really love, that’s when I get scared. Caregiving, listening, praying for others – these are comfortable...

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